People very expressive of the dopamine system tend to be risk-taking, novelty-seeking, curious, creative, spontaneous, energetic, mentally flexible. I call them “explorers.” They are drawn to people like themselves. Regarding serotonin, I call these people “builders.” They tend to be more traditional, conventional, calm, they follow the rules, they tend to be religious, they are concrete thinkers, rather than theoretical thinkers. They tend to be literal. They are also drawn to people like themselves.
I have data from 14 million people in 40 countries. As it turns out, in those two cases, for the explorers and the builders, similarity attracts. Explorers attract explorers, and builders attract builders. But in the last two categories, people who are very expressive of the testosterone traits are drawn to people who are very expressive of estrogen and vice versa.
I call the high testosterone people “directors.” They tend to be analytical, logical, direct, decisive, tough-minded, good at systems — things like computers, mechanics, engineering, math, music. Steve Jobs is a perfect example of a high testosterone-type personality. And that type is drawn to the high estrogen, which I call “negotiators.” Negotiators tend to see the big picture, they see very contextually, they are holistic thinkers, they think long term, very broadly and widely, they deal well with ambiguity, they have good people skills, they are good at reading posture, gesture, tone of voice, they are good at getting into your head, they tend to be intuitive, they tend to be pro-social, they are nurturing, trusting. They go for their opposite, the high testosterone.
What’s important to know is that we are all a combination of all four of these broad styles of thinking and behaving. Part of the problem with almost all personality questionnaires is that they put you in boxes. And the brain is not a bucket, it’s combinations of combinations of combinations, and ratios of chemicals responding in different parts of the brain in different ways, depending on what’s going on in the synapse, what’s going on in the receptor side, in the origin of production, and so on. So the bottom line is the brain is a messy place. It’s a contraption. These four categories are helpful just to understand our tendencies or the characteristics we each tend to have. It’s interesting to know where we are similar to each other but also very valuable to know where we’re different.
BW: What do you have to say about the dark side of love? We also all suffer when we’re in love in one way or another.
HF: My colleagues and I have put over a hundred people into a brain scanner: one group happily and madly in love, and another group who had just been rejected in love. For the second group, we found activity in three brain regions linked with craving, a brain region linked with love (you don’t stop loving the person when the relationship ends), a brain region linked with deep feelings of attachment, and finally, we found activity in a brain region linked with physical pain. In fact, it’s the same brain region that becomes active when you have a toothache.
So we all know it too well. When things don’t work out in love, you pretty much become a dysfunctional member of society. Some people may drink too much, or drive too fast, or they lie in bed and cry, or endlessly talk to their friends and bore them to death, or don’t go out, or don’t take a shower … So that’s not good. And of course there is love addiction. Some people are like romance junkies, they just love the feeling, they go from one person to another and when it becomes a little more routine, they leave. There are attachment junkies, who are so fixated on maintaining a relationship that they go through a lot of abuse, when they should have left. There are violence junkies, who stalk, or murder, or commit suicide because of love. And last, there are codependents, who just can’t leave the relationship, they may have a deep depression but they keep trying to understand the relationship.
When you are rejected, you not only lose the person and your chance of reproduction. But also your daily patterns are broken, you lose friends, things, the wonderful things you used to do together. Your daily life can be powerfully disrupted. With romantic love, it could be that you’re not getting your high dose of dopamine. You can slip into terrible depression.
So romantic love is also an addiction. It’s a wonderful addiction when it’s going well, but a terrible one when it goes poorly.
BW: Lately you’re researching into the relationship of love with leadership and innovation. Can you tell us more about that?
HF: I started studying these personality styles in order to understand who you’re attracted to in terms of love, but the questionnaire about personality doesn’t have anything about love, it’s just about personality (i.e., are you more curious than most people, more traditional than most people, can you tolerate risks, that kind of thing). And I began to see that when you build a team for example, or create a corporate board, people tend to choose people like themselves, who think the way they do. For the most part, people choose a variety of skills or talents, but not a variety of personalities or behaviors.
But the bottom line is that for many years, we evolved in these hunting and gathering groups, and all four forms of thinking and behaving were extremely important for our survival. Let’s say you have about 25 individuals hunting together in a band, about 10 to 12 of them are children. So 10 to 12 or so are grown-ups, and they are going over a hill together, and they see some mushrooms, and they don’t know anything about the mushrooms. You can’t have everybody be a risk-taker, and just try the mushrooms. You have to have some of the “builders,” the traditional type, saying let’s be cautious. And you have to have some high testosterone “directors” suggesting to experiment and give the mushrooms first to the dog, or something. And then you have to have some high estrogen “negotiators” who say let’s sit down and pool some data on these mushrooms.
We evolved in groups to put our heads together, to come to decisions using a range of different skills. So one of the biggest mistakes in groups and boards is that they hire a woman, a black, an Asian, etc. in order to do ethnic variety, and of course I’m all for that, but you could well have hired three people who think exactly the way you do. They may look different, but they may think the way you do. So you’re not getting new ideas and perspectives.
When it comes to innovation, these four styles of thinking and behaving are going to innovate differently. The high dopamine will come up with all kinds of new, creative, wild ideas. The high serotonin people are very into process and detail, they will take your idea and think how to develop it, the high testosterone people are techies, so they’ll talk about the technical needs, and the high estrogen negotiators, they will say this is how we’re going to sell it. Not everybody is going to innovate in the same way, they will do so in different ways. So my idea is that you need all of them to innovate most effectively.
I think the modern business world is overlooking this important aspect.
In terms of leadership, they will also lead in very different ways. A good leader is really good at all four styles. And that’s totally possible. There are some people who can be pretty dictatorial when necessary, but are very skilled at negotiating when necessary, and very talented at being creative. So the really fine leaders of the world have a combination of all four styles. But most of us are not even combinations. How can you be tough minded and tendered hearted at the same time? You really can’t do that.
BW: Any “love” advice for readers?
HF: You want to keep all three brain systems alive. You want to have sex regularly. With orgasm, there is a real flood of oxytocin — a hormone related with calm and connection. You want to do novel things together. Novelty drives up the dopamine systems. Also, you want to “stay in touch.” Sit together on a couch, give each other a massage, walk arm in arm in the street.
We did a study of long-term happy couples and we found three brain regions that become active when you are in a long happy relationship. One is linked with empathy, another one is linked with controlling your own stress and emotions, and the third one is called “positive illusions.” It refers to the fact that activity in a brain region related to our negativity bias goes down. If you’re more able to move beyond our hardwired negativity bias, you can overlook the negative and focus on the positive.
Last but not least, say nice things. When you say nice things to your partner, it drives down their cholesterol, it drives down their cortisol, and it boosts their immune system. And it not only happens to them, but the same thing happens to you.
This article was first published in Brain World Magazine’s Winter 2019 issue.
More From Brain World
- From Peak Publisher to Inner Explorer: An Interview With Phillip Moffitt
- Having Good Chemistry: How Being in Love Changes The Brain
- This Is Your Brain … On Love
- I Can’t Decide! Why An Increase in Choices Decreases Our Happiness
- In Love With Love: The Science of Love Addiction
- It’s A Jungle In There: How Competition and Cooperation Shape the Mind
